Watercolors

I've stared at this blank computer screen for a long time, because sometimes I come to the computer with nothing to say, and sometimes I come with too much. My mind is a mad mess of thoughts, emotions, and/or ideas that have made a giant mess I am just here trying to un-weave them.
But tonight I realize this is the perfect chance to talk about watercolors!

For those of you who don't know, I have two very talented older brothers. They both thrive in music and art. In the past couple of years my oldest brother has learned how to watercolor because someone in his community taught him different techniques and skills to make some gorgeous photos.
Last year I got to spend some time with him and one day he pulled out all his brushes and colors and we carefully painted side by side. I had done some watercolor in my time and love it, because it very gracious form of art and I love the soft outcomes. None the less, Nathan sat by me showing me how to move the brush so delicately, he suggested colors and even better, taught me how to manipulate the mistakes so no one who knew any better could tell.

One of my brother's paintings he did for Australia Day last year. 

In my life right now, I have some really exciting things in my life, and I have some really crappy (isn't that how life works). Last week  I got offered an incredible opportunity to work in Kenya for two and a half months this summer. At first I turned down the position, but with the support of friends and family, I soon realized how this was the Lord opening a door to one of my greatest dreams and a calling that was put on my heart. Everything about last week just made God's plan so evident and I could walk into the position in confidence. I have to admit though, I'm a planner and I'm an overthinker. So quickly, my thoughts became consumed as I attempted to figure out all the details, plan everything, buy everything all .right.now.

I grew weary as I began to process and realize there is so much out of my control.
And then.

And then I got news that I was not expecting. I got news that broke my world in harsh reality. And my heart sank.
And as I try to make sense of everything today I got overwhelmed and try to figure everything out.

And then watercolors.
Why watercolors?

I chose to talk about watercolors, because that is where I feel like I'm at.
This collision of colors of the good and the bad. The grace that meets them in between.
Because of the Lord's incredible faithfulness in the Kenya process, I can confidently declare his faithfulness in this broken news. Yet the darkness of sorrow inevitably take some of the vibrancy of the excitement with me. 
But it requires contrast in our images to add depth and interest. Still, there is overlaps of confusion.
And there is softness of grace.
Grace.
If anything there is grace. Great, big, vast, deep, wide, amazing grace.
I picked up Ann Voskamp's phrase of "all is grace" because how rich is that truth.
Grace in the small beauties. In the surprises and the blessings. Grace in redemption and grace in provision. Grace in opportunities, and grace in sorrows.
Grace in forgiveness. There are the small things that I can quickly correct with a couple strokes of a brush- stopping patterns of bad habits or unhealthy copying methods.
There is artistry of a bigger picture, where I only see the close up right now.
And in that there is trust and surrender to the greater artist and orchestrator of my life.