Fearless?

The "Year of Confidence" is far gone since 2015 seems to be moving at an unstoppable rate, but I'm realizing, as expected, everyday I'm still learning how to be brave.
I find confidence in the moments I feel I'm not strong enough.
I find courage in the moments when I have to keep on keeping on.
I find bravery in showing up, despite every little voice fighting against me.

Diligence. Discipline. I was scared of these words, and still am. They take courage to tackle. I have made many choices for this Year of Diligence, but many of them find me at cross roads that are hard to face, or repeating the same task day by day that I wish not to.
I joined a new church, and allowing myself to be taken is one of the scariest and most vulnerable things, but I still choose to go back every week.

This weekend I was feeling a little discouraged and hopeless. My heart was weak and afraid.
My future seemed too big, too lofty. I felt unworthy and unprepared.
And even as I bought a shirt on Friday to commemorate my year of confidence, with words scripted "She who is brave is free", I wore it proudly, but didn't believe it for a second.

This morning I was scrolling through my Instagram when I came across an account of the co-founder of the organization called The Archibald Project. Their mission is to share stories of orphans and adoptions through media. Whitney, right now, is living in Uganda with her husband and her posts literally inspire my heart every day.
Today's words could not have been more fitting, more encouraging and more convicting.
She wrote,

"Someone recently told me they thought I was fearless.
I laughed.
I would say I'm one of the most fearful people I know.
My brain and the enemy work overtime and I literally think about death multiple times a day. I'm fearful of flying and I married to a pilot. There wasn't a single month in the 5 1/2 years Nick worked for the airlines that I didn't have to get on a plane...multiple times. I'm fearful of germs and illness; I'm fearful of car accidents and my throat randomly closing up. I'm fearful of snakes inviting themselves in through my front door anytime I leave the living room. I'm fearful that we'll never have kids and if we do we will be so far behind all our friends and family that we'll have to make new friends. I think everyone who walks into a public place is planning a shooting or kidnapping...Y'all...I'm not kidding, I'm fearful. But something that my husband and Jesus have pushed me in is that even though I'm afraid I can't choose to live in that fear. Fear is an emotion, and yes, sometimes it's good to have fear, but most of the time it's unmerited. If I chose to live in my fears I wouldn't be experiencing all the wonderful things of life. I wouldn't be relying on God every day. I wouldn't learn to trust God over my emotions. I wouldn't be living halfway around the world in a sometimes uncomfortable land if I listened to my fear. I think God has used my fear to show me sides of His grace and love that I would never have known otherwise. I also think God has used fear to show me my calling. I know often times the enemy tries to derail God's plans and so often he uses fear to keep us from doing what God is calling us to do. Faith doesn't come before you take the step against your fears, it comes after. So I guess I'm just throwing it out there. If you're afraid, push into it. Don't picture me, or others around you as being able to do what they do because they aren't fearful. Chances are people are a lot more fearful than you know, it's just how people choose to move against the fear that shows real bravery. ☺️"

 Yeah.
On a day when my heart was feeling like it had no courage stored up, continually people told me testimony of how God used them despite and through their fears.

I don't know if I'm ready to conquer the world yet, but I am reminded that I can take it one step at a time, and that I am never alone.
May you be encouraged where you are at today.